We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
