so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
