He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
