I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
