either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
