Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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