i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
