Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
