Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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