Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
