I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
