Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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