so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
