She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
