Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need water and some morals
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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