38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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