i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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