I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize