I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
