I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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