Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
