Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
