I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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