he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
