Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
