I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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