Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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