yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
