Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
