she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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