im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
