you traded sex for a burrito?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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