My pussy is not your playground.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize