There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm like, not good at living.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
