Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
