I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
