At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
