**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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