You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
