I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
