Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
