At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
