we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
