You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
