she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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