you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
