Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
