So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
