She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
