I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
