Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
