You just made me feel so damn special
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
