Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
