for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
MIDGETS
????
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
