Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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