I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
