Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
