This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
