you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
