Where did you get a picture of my penis
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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