I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
