Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
