do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
