I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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