You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
