Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
