just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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