We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
