I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
