Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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