If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
