wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
