'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
