Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I touched a dick in church today
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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