Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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