Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
