We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
